I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize