the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
