we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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