My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
