Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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