It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
