Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
