i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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