I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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