Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize