yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
