Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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