Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
