I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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