i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
