Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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