do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
