I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
