brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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