the condom got lost in my hair
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
