Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
