I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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