dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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