I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
