I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
