I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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