my phone needs a breathalizer
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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