'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
