took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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