Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize