I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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