names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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