Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
