i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
