you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
