If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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