You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize