The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
His hands were made for my vagina.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
