I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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