I cannot find my penis.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
