...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
