i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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