So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
