I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
