I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
