Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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