I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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