he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize