He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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