Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
