everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
