i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
