I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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