Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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