my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
