you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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