I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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