Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I've blown a few things in my day
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
