420 ftw
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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