I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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