I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
