The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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