saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Don't make out with my wife yet
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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