Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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