Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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