he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Randomize
