plz talk dirty to me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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