Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
