Someone shit on the floor
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
