life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
