I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize