Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
