I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
