Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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