this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
