My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize