Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
