She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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