Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
