The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The air taste purple.
Randomize